Roll for Initiative.

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I’m like…gone….in the world of Pandora. Straight up….gone….this is probably unhealthy how lost I am in this world.

Being the type of person that gets lost in fantasy and has ever since he was a child there are certain times when I become so lost in fantasy that I lose sight of reality. Sadly, or lucking, I seem to lack a low enough perspective to completely lose myself. Sometimes, I wish I could. For, what is reality but our interpretation as to what it is. If I am fully convinced that I live in this world, that I am experiencing new things, living a life there, am I not actually experiencing it?

Even though I can logically convince myself that the answer to this question is no. I find myself frustrated with reality as for what the common majority sees it as.

This world, is so fucked up. There is no community, there is no connection, there is no compassion, WHERE IS THE HOPE!?!?!? What has this world to offer me except disappointment. I have found so much in this world, things that do not satisfy as much as they do sate what I want and lead me into temptations and addictions.

I…I feel…I see….I want to see….What is there? I have such emotions, and for my life I’ve learned to control them, I have learned what can happen if unleashed in the wrong way. I just….

When I walk out of some movies, I sometimes walk out with the feeling that “I hate my life”. Why would I want to live in reality? I have nothing….nothing here that compares to the life I could experience there.

What is it that true escapism requires. What if there was the permanent escapism. And at which point would escapism stop being fantasy and become reality.

“things became backwards”: life as an avatar was reality and living in the real world as a human was the dream. I feel this way now.

ugh…it’ll take me a couple days to shake this off. As always seems to happen.

All I want….is…. I see jack….I hear how his name is called out, how she could be so concerned about him. How she cared for him, and how he cared for her….I hate being single……I just have all these emotions that I feel like I could create universes with, could destroy planets, could create new life. Like I’m a water balloon of emotions and I keep filling up and I just have no idea when I’m going to pop.

The movie made me cry. Just seeing the love that Jack found, and the love the community held with each other. This world is fucked up, this society is fucked up. Humans are an ugly race, and I am not one that stands out from the rest in any way….

So until then, I’m running, running through the trees. Leaping from branches to branches and landing on brightly colored leafs, flying my banshee in the sky, as it dances around another banshee, and riding upon will Her, whoever She might be…..